Sorry readers, it has been a while since my last post. Part of it is because I haven't been inspired. The other part is because blogging is a dangerous activity that people try to use against you. But rather than live in fear of what I say, I am back blogging about my newest quandary: "American Idol"
The name alone sparks issues. It is said that more people vote for "American Idol" than president of the United States. Whether or not that's true, the concept of the show brings about one main assumption: the public votes for who they want to see as the new Music Star. Although this sounds simple, the concept itself is very flawed. the idea is that people are voting for the next big thing. As history has proved, it doesn't work out that way. I am not trying to say that Idol winners have not reached a level of fame otherwise unachievable. Yet I do think it is hard to argue that they have become the "Idols" that you would think with the amount of votes/American support they receive. The easy example is Ruben Studdard. He beat out Clay Aiken whom we all know has become way more successful. Even people like Fantasia have had to resort to VH1 reality TV shows to keep her fame and payroll. I am not denying that each and everyone of these Idols are talented. I am trying to make an observation about the voting public
Remember high school elections? Remember how the most popular person won, rather than the best qualified? I think that is sort of the case here. The contestants of Idol are not allowed to compete with their own music. Instead, week after week, they are told to sing a song that fits the day's theme. Therefore, the voting public never gets a real sense of the singer's music, but rather how they sound singing other genres and classic tunes. Once an artist gets out into the recording world, his/her sound differs greatly from the famous music they were forced to sing on Idol. Quickly, the American public realizes they have no interest in this singer's "sound" and record sales decrease. This has nothing to do with the talent of the artist, but rather the design of the system that has propelled them to fame. People aren't voting for the musician they like best, but rather the singing voice and personality that appeals to them. How many people go into a record store (or iTunes for this day and age) and base there purchases solely on those 2 criteria?
Maybe I'm bias cause I don't watch the show but I really don't see the logic in it. I spend 3 days a week riding around in my best friend's car with the radio blasting. Can you guess how many times I've heard a Taylor Hicks song? And in case you think I've been living under a rock, I just youtubed him and more videos from American Idol showed up than his actual singles. What does that tell you? But let me know how you think.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Sunday, December 27, 2009
If you can’t beat them, join them?
The question today is do you play the game and win or stick to your morals and loose? Sometimes, is it better just to win even if that win seems hollow and empty? Are you really winning? And even if it doesn’t really feel like a win to you, maybe playing along for that battle will allow you to ultimately win your own war. Of course, can you feel okay about how you won the war knowing you sold yourself to win a few battles? For example, does a successful and ethical CEO ever feel truly happy knowing he cheated a bit in college to get where he is now? I mean, we all play the game a bit, it’s a given. The question is how far are you willing to bend over backwards to get where you want to be. And when you get there, can you ever really enjoy it while your ass is still hurting from all the times you were screwed?
I don’t believe in regrets but I’ve been looking at my life and I’m upset with how I handled a lot of conflict situations. Often, I didn’t stand up for the people or ideas that I believed in. These were the minority and I always figured not ruffling feathers or getting involved was the best approach. Looking back I am appalled that I took the easy way out and have been focusing on not making that mistake in the future. I don’t want to appear argumentative, but I also don’t think staying quiet is really helping anyone. Of course, it is always about comparing the size of the win with the casualties of the battle. Some battles really aren’t worth fighting. But sometimes, I just feel like we all get too complacent, too tolerant of others negative behavior. By not causing a commotion, we are condoning their harmful and narcissistic actions and allowing them to continue. Do we passively go along with the notion that the son revolves around us so we don‘t look like the bad guy? Or do we chose to appear like raving idiots, standing up and exclaiming that we are not the center of the universe. For me, I think standing by my convictions is the most important thing because at the end of the day I have to live with myself. Well the battle is about to begin so I should go get my weapons ready for attack. You know what they say is the best defense.bb..
I don’t believe in regrets but I’ve been looking at my life and I’m upset with how I handled a lot of conflict situations. Often, I didn’t stand up for the people or ideas that I believed in. These were the minority and I always figured not ruffling feathers or getting involved was the best approach. Looking back I am appalled that I took the easy way out and have been focusing on not making that mistake in the future. I don’t want to appear argumentative, but I also don’t think staying quiet is really helping anyone. Of course, it is always about comparing the size of the win with the casualties of the battle. Some battles really aren’t worth fighting. But sometimes, I just feel like we all get too complacent, too tolerant of others negative behavior. By not causing a commotion, we are condoning their harmful and narcissistic actions and allowing them to continue. Do we passively go along with the notion that the son revolves around us so we don‘t look like the bad guy? Or do we chose to appear like raving idiots, standing up and exclaiming that we are not the center of the universe. For me, I think standing by my convictions is the most important thing because at the end of the day I have to live with myself. Well the battle is about to begin so I should go get my weapons ready for attack. You know what they say is the best defense.bb..
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Age Discrimination
So lately I've been looking into the dating websites. I sincerely believe they are incapable of doing what they advertise and their only use is to find weird people to talk to. But this blog is not about the inefficiency of those dating sites but about age. Where should I start?
After scavenging a handful of dating websites I noted a pretty common feature. When searching for people/matches/dates you are asked to put it a short list of criteria: male/female, how far away they live, must have a photo (yes or no), when they were last online, and an age range. Obviously, I'm going to talk about the latter.
I'm not sure how many of you reading this have used sites like this before, but it has really made me think a lot about where you draw the age line. Ok, let's back up. When you are in high school it is a big deal if a senior dates a freshman. But when you look at your parents, it is not at all unacceptable for them to be 10 years apart. So where does that leave those of us (like me) in the middle? I sit there, staring at my screen, wondering what is too young or too old to date.
Well, I know anyone under 18 is a no but what about the odd 18-20 range. They can't drink yet so that can be messy but still not a deal breaker. But what about maturity? I met a really sweet 18 year old but it was more than apparent of his innocence. So if not 18, what about 19, or 20? I once heard a rule about dating younger. It says take half you age and add 7. Hmm..(24/2) + 7 = 19. Well, I guess that solves that??
So what about the question "how old is too old?" Is 30 too old? Well surely 30 isn't too old because I met a 31 year old the other day and he didn't seem much older than me. So if 31 is okay, then what about 32? 33? 34? 35?....I mean where do you cut it off? How can anyone be expected to go to a dating site and say "no one older than 33; that's my cutoff."
I understand that age is just a number and it has much more to do with what stage your are at in life and maybe your overall maturity. I also think it has to do with your personality. For example, my friend Stephen has a thing for older women. I believe it is because he is VERY intelligent for his age and he is used to his "peers" being people who were older than him. As for me, I've always had a thing for younger guys. Whether it be an old high school boyfriend who's 2 years younger, or rocker who's 21. Granted, that's not a huge age difference, but I think it's important to note my motherly personality is naturally attracted to boys younger than myself.
Overall, my point of of all of this is to make YOU think about your own age range. How easily could you come up with definitive caps to your age requirements? Can you really just sit down and say: "39 is ok, but 40 is too old." I know you can't so don't even lie to yourself. Seriously, spend a few minutes thinking about it. I think you will realize that it's an interesting quandary.
After scavenging a handful of dating websites I noted a pretty common feature. When searching for people/matches/dates you are asked to put it a short list of criteria: male/female, how far away they live, must have a photo (yes or no), when they were last online, and an age range. Obviously, I'm going to talk about the latter.
I'm not sure how many of you reading this have used sites like this before, but it has really made me think a lot about where you draw the age line. Ok, let's back up. When you are in high school it is a big deal if a senior dates a freshman. But when you look at your parents, it is not at all unacceptable for them to be 10 years apart. So where does that leave those of us (like me) in the middle? I sit there, staring at my screen, wondering what is too young or too old to date.
Well, I know anyone under 18 is a no but what about the odd 18-20 range. They can't drink yet so that can be messy but still not a deal breaker. But what about maturity? I met a really sweet 18 year old but it was more than apparent of his innocence. So if not 18, what about 19, or 20? I once heard a rule about dating younger. It says take half you age and add 7. Hmm..(24/2) + 7 = 19. Well, I guess that solves that??
So what about the question "how old is too old?" Is 30 too old? Well surely 30 isn't too old because I met a 31 year old the other day and he didn't seem much older than me. So if 31 is okay, then what about 32? 33? 34? 35?....I mean where do you cut it off? How can anyone be expected to go to a dating site and say "no one older than 33; that's my cutoff."
I understand that age is just a number and it has much more to do with what stage your are at in life and maybe your overall maturity. I also think it has to do with your personality. For example, my friend Stephen has a thing for older women. I believe it is because he is VERY intelligent for his age and he is used to his "peers" being people who were older than him. As for me, I've always had a thing for younger guys. Whether it be an old high school boyfriend who's 2 years younger, or rocker who's 21. Granted, that's not a huge age difference, but I think it's important to note my motherly personality is naturally attracted to boys younger than myself.
Overall, my point of of all of this is to make YOU think about your own age range. How easily could you come up with definitive caps to your age requirements? Can you really just sit down and say: "39 is ok, but 40 is too old." I know you can't so don't even lie to yourself. Seriously, spend a few minutes thinking about it. I think you will realize that it's an interesting quandary.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Blog from last night...
Perhaps I am out of the loop like always. Maybe I just think differently than most people my age. But once again I do not get the newest [facebook status] craze: Texts From Last Night. In case you're not aware, they are the sentences with an area code in front of them. The website is http://www.textsfromlastnight.com and after realizing this, I went to the site to see what it was all about. I perused the "about" section and still didn't understand.. Let me quote what it says on Wikipedia:
This concept is not only clear but actually sounds humorous. I know we have all found drunken text messages that make no sense and, along with massive misspellings, are quite hilarious. The issue I have comes from when I read the texts posted on the website. Here are some random examples:
Although the texts may be clever, they resemble a tweet more than a drunken text message. Nothing about these texts fits the category of "regrettable" as stated in the description of the site. Instead, they sound like sober antidotes thought up the next day. Is this nothing more than a less depressing regurgitation of FML? And, like FML I don't understand why people "repost" these TFLN as their statuses instead of writing their own.
Maybe I'm just pissed because I was really looking forward to what they advertise: reading drunken text messages from people who are too sloshed to even pick up their phone, let alone type out words. Even better, let's create a site where we include drunken voice mails. We all know that would be hilarious. All I'm saying is that I don't get the gimmick for sites like FML and TFLN and cannot see how they differ at all from sites like Twitter.
Someone wake me up when the next craze is at least original. FML!
***Just thought I would add this on to my blog. If you are looking for a great site that actually posts funny and real internet failures, check out http://facebookfails.com/ you'll love it!***
Texts From Last Night (TFLN) is a regularly updated blog that re-posts short text messages submitted by its users. The texts are sent in by people who wake in the morning "to find regrettable messages sent to or from their mobile phones." The receiver then sends the discovered text into the website.
This concept is not only clear but actually sounds humorous. I know we have all found drunken text messages that make no sense and, along with massive misspellings, are quite hilarious. The issue I have comes from when I read the texts posted on the website. Here are some random examples:
(703): Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
(201): its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
(626): Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Although the texts may be clever, they resemble a tweet more than a drunken text message. Nothing about these texts fits the category of "regrettable" as stated in the description of the site. Instead, they sound like sober antidotes thought up the next day. Is this nothing more than a less depressing regurgitation of FML? And, like FML I don't understand why people "repost" these TFLN as their statuses instead of writing their own.
Maybe I'm just pissed because I was really looking forward to what they advertise: reading drunken text messages from people who are too sloshed to even pick up their phone, let alone type out words. Even better, let's create a site where we include drunken voice mails. We all know that would be hilarious. All I'm saying is that I don't get the gimmick for sites like FML and TFLN and cannot see how they differ at all from sites like Twitter.
Someone wake me up when the next craze is at least original. FML!
***Just thought I would add this on to my blog. If you are looking for a great site that actually posts funny and real internet failures, check out http://facebookfails.com/ you'll love it!***
Saturday, October 3, 2009
A is for Addiction
A is for addiction, B is for bulimia, C is for cutting, D is for drinking, E is for....
Everyday we are bogged down by the idea of millions of diseases; it's a wonder we are not all hypochondriacs. The more I read about them, the more I think I have every disorder under the sun. Maybe it's all in our head, or maybe we have a little bit off all of it stuck in that noggin of ours. Who am I to say...
But since this is a blog, I am forced to take an opinion or less I don't write at all. Today's topics are obsession and addiction. I believe the two go hand in hand so for the purpose of this blog, I am going to refer to them as one mental diseases.
On a personal note I have had my own bouts of hypochondria. I thought I had ADD, Dyslexia, General Stress Disorder, and more. Maybe I do have one or more of those things; maybe I don't. I assume I'll never really know because the definitions of theses mental illnesses are so fuzzy it seems hard to determine a real diagnosis.
But whether or not we have a "real" disease, we can all agree we suffer from addictive tendencies. With some people it is the obvious: cigarettes, alcohol, [illegal] drugs, and so on. Those sorts of things are easy to classify as "addictions." What I want to know is how many of you out there feel you suffer from what most people would call an "unhealthy obsession?" Maybe I should back up and give you Webster's deffinition of the 2 words:
obsession: a persistent, disturbing preoccupation with an often unreasonable idea or feeling
addiction: persistent compulsive use of a substance known by the user to be harmful
Okay, I admit there are many definitions for these words but I needed to start somewhere. So I think it is safe to say that an unreasonable idea/feeling about a preoccupation could be deemed a harmful substance by the user. Simple deduction here shows the similarities of obsession and addiction. But as always, I digress. My point here is not to prove the two words are to same but to express my concern that the term obsession is underestimated as a voluntary response why the term addiction is considered a serious mental affliction.
I hope that at least some of you out there understand where I'm coming from. I look at my current obsession and see it to be no different than any typical substance one might be addicted to. While a smoking addict may want I cigarette to calm him or her down, my obsession makes me refuse to let go of someone long past. The smoker doesn't want to quit because of the memory of the feeling the nicotine brings him or her. How is this any different than what I go through on a daily basis? Although some substances are said to be physically addictive, we all know that "non addictive" substances like marijuana are still addictive mentally, as can be so many of our daily obsessions.
Ultimately, where I'm going with this blog, is to justify that our obsessions are just as real and dangerous as our addictions. That if our obsessions are not treated (along with our addictions) we are likely to live a mentally unhealthy life. My biggest concern is that there is so much outreach for the addicts and not enough for the clinically obsessed. I encourage anyone brave enough to share their obsession(s) here in hopes of reaching out to others with a similar cause. You all know mine; refusal to let go of someone whom I felt truly connected. These obsessions may not be healthy but I have to think that at least admitting them gives us some sort of power to make over them. Or maybe I'm just kidding myself. All I know is I can't sleep again cause I miss the person who illogically means the world to me. If that's not a persistent compulsive use of a substance known by the user to be harmful then I don't know what is.
"I'll never let go. I promise" - LC
Thursday, October 1, 2009
If
Today I've been thinking again about love. What is the difference between loving someone and being in love? How can you tell the difference between being in love and wanting what you can't have? How are we to know? I don't like using my blog as a self promotion outlet for my own work but today is an exception. I really believe in this this "what if" concept and what it can do to one's sanity. Enjoy the poetry:
If..
9-3-06
When we were young we played make believe
We imagined whole worlds we had never seen.
But once we get older, as the rumor states,
This imaginative notion will slowly abate.
But I must disagree with the statement afore
As we get older our imaginations transform
Into what is known as adult fantasy
An exotic, romantic, soliloquy
The infamous If, a deadly sin,
Leaving you wondering what could have been.
If I had stayed, If I had gone..,
If I had jumped.., If I was wrong..
If only he knew, if only she knew,
If only I knew how much I loved you.
Fantasy makes living much more fun
Imagining what your existence might have become.
Taking you away from your mundane life
Rewriting it like a movie with action and strife.
You can choose your best friend, a side kick that's cool
A typical jokester, a jester, a fool.
You can pick your leading lady, sweet or sexy,
But someone you'd never be with in reality.
The infamous If, a deadly sin,
Leaving you wondering what could have been.
If I had stayed, If I had gone..,
If I had jumped.., If I was wrong..
If only he knew, if only she knew,
If only I knew whether I loved you
But life isn't like the movie we've dreamed
With car chases, gun fights, and sex scenes.
So as you are brought back into real time
You wonder if all your fantasies were genuine
The infamous If, a deadly sin,
Leaving you wondering what could have been.
If I had stayed, If I had gone..,
If I had jumped.., If I was wrong..
If only he knew, if only she knew,
If only I knew how I felt about you
If..
9-3-06
When we were young we played make believe
We imagined whole worlds we had never seen.
But once we get older, as the rumor states,
This imaginative notion will slowly abate.
But I must disagree with the statement afore
As we get older our imaginations transform
Into what is known as adult fantasy
An exotic, romantic, soliloquy
The infamous If, a deadly sin,
Leaving you wondering what could have been.
If I had stayed, If I had gone..,
If I had jumped.., If I was wrong..
If only he knew, if only she knew,
If only I knew how much I loved you.
Fantasy makes living much more fun
Imagining what your existence might have become.
Taking you away from your mundane life
Rewriting it like a movie with action and strife.
You can choose your best friend, a side kick that's cool
A typical jokester, a jester, a fool.
You can pick your leading lady, sweet or sexy,
But someone you'd never be with in reality.
The infamous If, a deadly sin,
Leaving you wondering what could have been.
If I had stayed, If I had gone..,
If I had jumped.., If I was wrong..
If only he knew, if only she knew,
If only I knew whether I loved you
But life isn't like the movie we've dreamed
With car chases, gun fights, and sex scenes.
So as you are brought back into real time
You wonder if all your fantasies were genuine
The infamous If, a deadly sin,
Leaving you wondering what could have been.
If I had stayed, If I had gone..,
If I had jumped.., If I was wrong..
If only he knew, if only she knew,
If only I knew how I felt about you
Monday, July 13, 2009
Denial is not just a river in Africa
PREFACE: This blog is an investigation on applying factors of coping with death to factors of coping with loss. It is a little lengthy and very anecdotal, but I felt it was necessary to make a proper comparison. Please realize this before choosing to read. Thanks!
Death is a widely studied subject. Even my (stupid) college had a class on the subject ("Death as a Fact of Life"). Whether you learned it in psychology or religion class, the Stages of Grief are pretty standard: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. When dealing with a loss, I believe we go through these stages, although not necessarily in a simple, linear order. Also, I am NOT using the word loss as a synonym for death. Please make note of that fact.
I lost someone who knows how many days, months, years ago. My (ex) best friend and I always had a rocky, fair weather friendship. It got worse about 4 years ago when his girlfriend convinced him "being friends with a girl is wrong." We didn't speak for 6 months. This is where Stage 3: Bargaining comes into play. I called him right before I left for NYC. I told him I was willing to put aside everything because I wanted us to make up before I moved. Then again, bargains only work when both parties make good on their share.
Things went from awkward to good to quiet and so on for a while, but I guess there's always a calm before the storm. A year ago, he started displaying erratic behavior: excessive drinking, drugs, and partying. Rather than accept this new lifestyle of his, I chose to participate in Stage 1: Denial. I refused to believe it was really him and told myself it was just a stage his current (new) girlfriend was imposing on him. After another missed birthday (mine) and a "he said, she said" accusation on his part, I went into Stage 2: Anger. I screamed at him for the first time and told him where he could shove it. Obviously, we didn't speak again for 4 months.
I went to some therapy which made me really miss him so I tried to reconnect, this time there was no bargaining. Instead we just sort of denied the whole fight happened and went on like normal. That worked for less than a week before I realized denial really doesn't work. Soon he was back to his old ways of never calling me back and putting everyone (and their dog) over me. A quick bout of anger led into Stage 4: a long string of depression over the matter. But since I obviously don't learn, 7 months later I was back to Stage 3. I was so deep into Stage 4 I was willing to bargain my pride, morals, and soul just to have him back in my life. Unfortunately, a trade was impossibly because I had nothing of value to him [that is, nothing except seeing me in pain or dead, but that's another story].
It's been a couple months now and I'm trying to take steps toward Stage 5: Acceptance. But every time I think I am succeeding, I run across something that so strongly reminds me of him. Oddly enough, the feeling I got the other day from reliving the memory of the Met could not be found in any of these "Stages of Grief." A sadness, for sure, but not depression. If only you could imagine how it feels to miss someone like they're dead when they haven't really gone. Sometimes I tell myself he is dead, and that makes it somewhat easier. Maybe he really did die that Thanksgiving weekend. Maybe the only way to reach acceptance is to fully realize the boy I knew is gone and he is never coming back. That's not as easy to do when he's not really dead.
A quandary for thought.
Death is a widely studied subject. Even my (stupid) college had a class on the subject ("Death as a Fact of Life"). Whether you learned it in psychology or religion class, the Stages of Grief are pretty standard: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. When dealing with a loss, I believe we go through these stages, although not necessarily in a simple, linear order. Also, I am NOT using the word loss as a synonym for death. Please make note of that fact.
I lost someone who knows how many days, months, years ago. My (ex) best friend and I always had a rocky, fair weather friendship. It got worse about 4 years ago when his girlfriend convinced him "being friends with a girl is wrong." We didn't speak for 6 months. This is where Stage 3: Bargaining comes into play. I called him right before I left for NYC. I told him I was willing to put aside everything because I wanted us to make up before I moved. Then again, bargains only work when both parties make good on their share.
Things went from awkward to good to quiet and so on for a while, but I guess there's always a calm before the storm. A year ago, he started displaying erratic behavior: excessive drinking, drugs, and partying. Rather than accept this new lifestyle of his, I chose to participate in Stage 1: Denial. I refused to believe it was really him and told myself it was just a stage his current (new) girlfriend was imposing on him. After another missed birthday (mine) and a "he said, she said" accusation on his part, I went into Stage 2: Anger. I screamed at him for the first time and told him where he could shove it. Obviously, we didn't speak again for 4 months.
I went to some therapy which made me really miss him so I tried to reconnect, this time there was no bargaining. Instead we just sort of denied the whole fight happened and went on like normal. That worked for less than a week before I realized denial really doesn't work. Soon he was back to his old ways of never calling me back and putting everyone (and their dog) over me. A quick bout of anger led into Stage 4: a long string of depression over the matter. But since I obviously don't learn, 7 months later I was back to Stage 3. I was so deep into Stage 4 I was willing to bargain my pride, morals, and soul just to have him back in my life. Unfortunately, a trade was impossibly because I had nothing of value to him [that is, nothing except seeing me in pain or dead, but that's another story].
It's been a couple months now and I'm trying to take steps toward Stage 5: Acceptance. But every time I think I am succeeding, I run across something that so strongly reminds me of him. Oddly enough, the feeling I got the other day from reliving the memory of the Met could not be found in any of these "Stages of Grief." A sadness, for sure, but not depression. If only you could imagine how it feels to miss someone like they're dead when they haven't really gone. Sometimes I tell myself he is dead, and that makes it somewhat easier. Maybe he really did die that Thanksgiving weekend. Maybe the only way to reach acceptance is to fully realize the boy I knew is gone and he is never coming back. That's not as easy to do when he's not really dead.
A quandary for thought.
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