Saturday, October 3, 2009

A is for Addiction

A is for addiction, B is for bulimia, C is for cutting, D is for drinking, E is for....


Everyday we are bogged down by the idea of millions of diseases; it's a wonder we are not all hypochondriacs. The more I read about them, the more I think I have every disorder under the sun. Maybe it's all in our head, or maybe we have a little bit off all of it stuck in that noggin of ours. Who am I to say...

But since this is a blog, I am forced to take an opinion or less I don't write at all. Today's topics are obsession and addiction. I believe the two go hand in hand so for the purpose of this blog, I am going to refer to them as one mental diseases.

On a personal note I have had my own bouts of hypochondria. I thought I had ADD, Dyslexia, General Stress Disorder, and more. Maybe I do have one or more of those things; maybe I don't. I assume I'll never really know because the definitions of theses mental illnesses are so fuzzy it seems hard to determine a real diagnosis.

But whether or not we have a "real" disease, we can all agree we suffer from addictive tendencies. With some people it is the obvious: cigarettes, alcohol, [illegal] drugs, and so on. Those sorts of things are easy to classify as "addictions." What I want to know is how many of you out there feel you suffer from what most people would call an "unhealthy obsession?"  Maybe I should back up and give you Webster's deffinition of the 2 words:

obsession: a persistent, disturbing preoccupation with an often unreasonable idea or feeling
addiction: persistent compulsive use of a substance known by the user to be harmful

Okay, I admit there are many definitions for these words but I needed to start somewhere. So I think it is safe to say that an unreasonable idea/feeling about a preoccupation could be deemed a harmful substance by the user. Simple deduction here shows the similarities of obsession and addiction. But as always, I digress. My point here is not to prove the two words are to same but to express my concern that the term obsession is underestimated as a voluntary response why the term addiction is considered a serious mental affliction.

I hope that at least some of you out there understand where I'm coming from. I look at my current obsession and see it to be no different than any typical substance one might be addicted to. While a smoking addict may want I cigarette to calm him or her down, my obsession makes me refuse to let go of someone long past. The smoker doesn't want to quit because of the memory of the feeling the nicotine brings him or her. How is this any different than what I go through on a daily basis? Although some substances are said to be physically addictive, we all know that "non addictive" substances like marijuana are still addictive mentally, as can be so many of our daily obsessions.

Ultimately, where I'm going with this blog, is to justify that our obsessions are just as real and dangerous as our addictions. That if our obsessions are not treated (along with our addictions) we are likely to live a mentally unhealthy life. My biggest concern is that there is so much outreach for the addicts and not enough for the clinically obsessed. I encourage anyone brave enough to share their obsession(s) here in hopes of reaching out to others with a similar cause. You all know mine; refusal to let go of someone whom I felt truly connected. These obsessions may not be healthy but I have to think that at least admitting them gives us some sort of power to make over them. Or maybe I'm just kidding myself. All I know is I can't sleep again cause I miss the person who illogically means the world to me. If that's not a persistent compulsive use of a substance known by the user to be harmful then I don't know what is.


"I'll never let go. I promise" - LC

Thursday, October 1, 2009

If

Today I've been thinking again about love. What is the difference between loving someone and being in love? How can you tell the difference between being in love and wanting what you can't have? How are we to know? I don't like using my blog as a self promotion outlet for my own work but today is an exception. I really believe in this this "what if" concept and what it can do to one's sanity. Enjoy the poetry:


If..
9-3-06

When we were young we played make believe
We imagined whole worlds we had never seen.
But once we get older, as the rumor states,
This imaginative notion will slowly abate.

But I must disagree with the statement afore
As we get older our imaginations transform
Into what is known as adult fantasy
An exotic, romantic, soliloquy

The infamous If, a deadly sin,
Leaving you wondering what could have been.
If I had stayed, If I had gone..,
If I had jumped.., If I was wrong..
If only he knew, if only she knew,
If only I knew how much I loved you.

Fantasy makes living much more fun
Imagining what your existence might have become.
Taking you away from your mundane life
Rewriting it like a movie with action and strife.

You can choose your best friend, a side kick that's cool
A typical jokester, a jester, a fool.
You can pick your leading lady, sweet or sexy,
But someone you'd never be with in reality.

The infamous If, a deadly sin,
Leaving you wondering what could have been.
If I had stayed, If I had gone..,
If I had jumped.., If I was wrong..
If only he knew, if only she knew,
If only I knew whether I loved you

But life isn't like the movie we've dreamed
With car chases, gun fights, and sex scenes.
So as you are brought back into real time
You wonder if all your fantasies were genuine

The infamous If, a deadly sin,
Leaving you wondering what could have been.
If I had stayed, If I had gone..,
If I had jumped.., If I was wrong..
If only he knew, if only she knew,
If only I knew how I felt about you