Hypocrisy: the act of being less critical of oneself than of others.
We all do it, but to what extent? Lately I've been thinking a lot about this topic. I apologize in advance (and give fair warning) this blog is more personal and less pop-culture than normal. Hmm..now where to start...
It was a dark and stormy night...no no
Once upon a time....not even close
Well then, lets start at the beginning. I have a history of being disappointed by people. Maybe it's because I think too much of them, maybe they don't live up to their potential, who knows. That's a whole other blog (been there, done that). My point is, I like to think I see the best possible person in people and, for better or worse, get brutally let down when they don't live up to my expectations.
I grew up with two brothers. I now only have one. Oh no, don't start sending me flowers in sympathy, the other one's not dead. He's just no longer in my life. This is because I have standards. I refuse to put up with people who live in their own head and only think about themselves. Now, don't get me wrong, I've given him time to grow and change; unfortunately, he thinks he's fine the way he is. In fact, my nickname for him is the prodigal son. This comes from the Biblical story illustrating how one son is forgiven no matter how horrible he is and is considered equal to the always loyal son. In case you're not getting it, you can guess who always identified with the "loyal son."
But this blog is not about my feelings toward the "Prodigal Son." What it is about is the continuous forgiveness no matter the trespasses. One of the only things I resent about my wonderful father is that he was always so quick to forgive him no matter how cruel his actions. I understood unconditional love, but not the concept of always "letting things slide." Or, at least I thought I didn't understand it. After much further investigation of myself, I have realized I am just as guilty as my father. Like father, like daughter.
My best friend in high school was my rock. He was the only one who understood me. Over the years..well..I guess life got in the way. I take that back..girls got in the way. "When Harry met Sally" poses the quintessential question: can men and women be friends? I've always said yes, but I have learned why it is so hard. But I digress...
It's been at least 4 years of this rocky "friendship" we have endured and every time it is his own actions that keep us from talking (oh my would he be steamed if he read me saying that..lol). But no matter how much he hurts me, no matter how unfair he is to me, I always reach back out to him. I always forgive his trespasses in a heartbeat (no pun intended) because I care about him with every fiber of my body. I forget how he made me feel for the last 6+ months and I welcome him with open arms. And yet, when my dad does this to my brother, I yell at him. Talk about hypocrisy.
So what's the moral of the story? Well it would be easy to say it's not to judge without looking first at yourself. Yet, I don't think it's that simple. We all have our crosses to bare but perhaps we all carry the same cross. What makes sense to one person may seem absurd to someone else. All I ask from my readers now is to find the similarity in others, rather than your differences.
"If only she knew..."
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Monday, April 20, 2009
Resume the Position
OMG so my account says I haven't blogged since March 20th. That was just too long ago. Sorry to be out of things but I do have one small (lame) excuse: my computer is broken (hopefully only the charger) and so I have no Internet/MS Word access at my house right now. It's a lame excuse cause I could have just written the blog down with pen and paper ("what's that?") and then typed it up on a friend's computer or something. But hey, Earth Day is coming up so I'm going to stay green and not kill trees just to blog. LOL
Okay, now on to this week's serious point....
Every summer my job highers interns (this year unpaid interns). Last week my boss gave the department a copy of all the résumés and cover letters (electronically of course..no trees killed I promise) and asked us to evaluate the candidates. I have found this to be one of the most frustrating tasks I have had in a long time. Sadly, this is not because everyone is so great it's impossible to choose. It's not just that the applications are less than par. People illustrate the most idiotic things on their résumé and then expect to get hired. Lets go to the examples:
One person wrote this as their first two sentences of their cover letter:
"As a firm believer in the restorative power of the arts, I realize how artistic expression can be a vehicle for social justice. Therefore, I want to spend my life creating and facilitating an environment for theatre to flourish."
Do they realize this is an application for a Customer Service internship not an argumentative essay on the importance of music in school? Did they teach you the concept of over elevated language at your private college? *sigh*
I understand that I work for a performing arts organization but I seriously think these people do not read the description of the job they are applying to. If I have to read one more cover letter about "my love of performing, organizing shows, programming events...etc" I'm going to scream. Obviously, these people have no idea what customer service really means. But perhaps this is because they have no customer service experience. Oh no, wait, it gets better; Many of these people have no work experience AT ALL! One girl succeeded her cover letter with a piece of paper with the heading "Resume" (under her contact info) followed by a 1 & 1/2 page list of her vocal repertoire. That was it. No job history, no skills; just that she sang Puccini's "O mio babbino caro" and played "Maggie" in her high school production of "A Chorus Line." Genius!
Now this is what frustrates me more than anything else in the world. So many children go through high school and college without ever getting one ounce of job experience under their belt. They spend their school semesters and Summers partying or going abroad while ignoring the persevering work force. I know it's an unpaid internship but I refuse to let it slide that you've spent 4 years of high school and at least half of your time in college and never once held a job or even volunteered. A good employer wants people who can multitask and carry a lot on your plate at once. If you can't handle 15 credit hours of school AND a part time job than maybe you're not cut out to handle 5 customers screaming at you at once each about various unforeseen problems.
In this bad economy, the job market is more competitive than ever. Consequently, this means you have to work that much harder to make your résumé/cover letter picture perfect. I can't stand seeing 2 page résumés, cover letters with excessive/unnecessary commas, that useless "objective," and poorly written sentences like "...because I strongly feel to always support the arts." Please don't tell me you have a "career aspiration" of Art Administrations and yet you are a sophomore majoring in Architecture. As robots say "this does not compute."
They say your résumé is your calling card. If this is true, don't expect to get a call from me anytime soon. I think your application made my head explode. I'm going to take a Tylenol, I have a headache.
Okay, now on to this week's serious point....
Every summer my job highers interns (this year unpaid interns). Last week my boss gave the department a copy of all the résumés and cover letters (electronically of course..no trees killed I promise) and asked us to evaluate the candidates. I have found this to be one of the most frustrating tasks I have had in a long time. Sadly, this is not because everyone is so great it's impossible to choose. It's not just that the applications are less than par. People illustrate the most idiotic things on their résumé and then expect to get hired. Lets go to the examples:
One person wrote this as their first two sentences of their cover letter:
"As a firm believer in the restorative power of the arts, I realize how artistic expression can be a vehicle for social justice. Therefore, I want to spend my life creating and facilitating an environment for theatre to flourish."
Do they realize this is an application for a Customer Service internship not an argumentative essay on the importance of music in school? Did they teach you the concept of over elevated language at your private college? *sigh*
I understand that I work for a performing arts organization but I seriously think these people do not read the description of the job they are applying to. If I have to read one more cover letter about "my love of performing, organizing shows, programming events...etc" I'm going to scream. Obviously, these people have no idea what customer service really means. But perhaps this is because they have no customer service experience. Oh no, wait, it gets better; Many of these people have no work experience AT ALL! One girl succeeded her cover letter with a piece of paper with the heading "Resume" (under her contact info) followed by a 1 & 1/2 page list of her vocal repertoire. That was it. No job history, no skills; just that she sang Puccini's "O mio babbino caro" and played "Maggie" in her high school production of "A Chorus Line." Genius!
Now this is what frustrates me more than anything else in the world. So many children go through high school and college without ever getting one ounce of job experience under their belt. They spend their school semesters and Summers partying or going abroad while ignoring the persevering work force. I know it's an unpaid internship but I refuse to let it slide that you've spent 4 years of high school and at least half of your time in college and never once held a job or even volunteered. A good employer wants people who can multitask and carry a lot on your plate at once. If you can't handle 15 credit hours of school AND a part time job than maybe you're not cut out to handle 5 customers screaming at you at once each about various unforeseen problems.
In this bad economy, the job market is more competitive than ever. Consequently, this means you have to work that much harder to make your résumé/cover letter picture perfect. I can't stand seeing 2 page résumés, cover letters with excessive/unnecessary commas, that useless "objective," and poorly written sentences like "...because I strongly feel to always support the arts." Please don't tell me you have a "career aspiration" of Art Administrations and yet you are a sophomore majoring in Architecture. As robots say "this does not compute."
They say your résumé is your calling card. If this is true, don't expect to get a call from me anytime soon. I think your application made my head explode. I'm going to take a Tylenol, I have a headache.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Are you feeling blue?
Remember last year when everywhere we looked we saw Obama posters/buttons reiterating his policy for change? Well my "hope" for change has taken a fast break down the lane and out of the stadium. That's right, our President of the United States of America has once again put all his backing into the University of North Carolina (at Chapel Hill) to win the NCAA tournament. According to my research he's picked them a lot and obviously must be a fan. Seriously, Barack? The Tarheels? For someone who spent months preaching change he sure is quick to jump on the bandwagon. I mean, the Tarheels are the college basketball equivalent to the MLB New York Yankees. You have these teams who have followings across the country. But these "fans" often only know the star(s) of the team an little else.
To make the whole situation more hysterical, our President is quoted by the Associated Press for saying: "Here's what I like about Carolina: experience and balance." I'm sorry, but wasn't Obama's biggest weakness in the primaries that he had less experience as competitor Hillary Clinton? Did he or did he not convince us that change and new ideas were more important than experience and predictability? So what message does it send us when the man who focused his campaign on revolutionary ideas turns and backs the predictable favorite?
Okay sure, I should be getting mad at our president for his political policies, not his basketball picks. But I bet if you surveyed the country you would find that more Americans know Obama's pick for NCAA winner than his latest foreign policy. Sad, but most likely true. So maybe Obama should realize that even his backing for a sports team can have a profound effect on the way people see him. I know it has changed my view of him. Just food for thought.
Good luck watching your Baracket fall apart, Obama...lol
See his picks for yourself
***NOTE****
This blog's text is purposely dark blue to be pro Duke & UConn!! Who likes light blue anyways??
To make the whole situation more hysterical, our President is quoted by the Associated Press for saying: "Here's what I like about Carolina: experience and balance." I'm sorry, but wasn't Obama's biggest weakness in the primaries that he had less experience as competitor Hillary Clinton? Did he or did he not convince us that change and new ideas were more important than experience and predictability? So what message does it send us when the man who focused his campaign on revolutionary ideas turns and backs the predictable favorite?
Okay sure, I should be getting mad at our president for his political policies, not his basketball picks. But I bet if you surveyed the country you would find that more Americans know Obama's pick for NCAA winner than his latest foreign policy. Sad, but most likely true. So maybe Obama should realize that even his backing for a sports team can have a profound effect on the way people see him. I know it has changed my view of him. Just food for thought.
Good luck watching your Baracket fall apart, Obama...lol
See his picks for yourself
***NOTE****
This blog's text is purposely dark blue to be pro Duke & UConn!! Who likes light blue anyways??
Friday, March 6, 2009
How Are You?
*thanks to Chuck F. for inspiring this blog*
How many times have you had people start off conversations with "How are you doing today?" Maybe you even use this phrase yourself? Now I want you to stop and think about the last time someone said this to you. Was it your boss, your fellow student, or the girl behind the deli counter? How many of these times did you answer "good" or "fine" or something like that? In fact, most often, people are not even using it to start a conversation but merely as a greeting; a replacement for the traditional "Hi." How sadistic is it that we ask people how they are doing when in actuality we honestly do not really care about their answer. Have you ever noticed how people react when you answer "horrible," "atrocious" or "dismal?" They freeze and it takes them a minute to respond. That is because people are so conditioned to reenact the usual routine of "How are you?" "Fine, and you?" "Good" "Later" "Bye." Obviously I am not talking about your good friends who really care about you. I'm talking about those people you encounter daily who, like the rest of us, are too caught up in their daily lives to really care but feel society expects them to ask others how they are feeling.
Seriously? Can we really not come up with a less fake way of communicating. No more of this "how are you" or "what's up." Everyday I see my boss and he says "how are you?" and I want to scream at him: "horrible because I am broke and about to be evicted from my apartment because you cut all my hours you jerk!" Obviously I refrain from saying this because a) I would be fired & b) I know he really cares nothing about my situation. So from now on my new plan is to combat people by answering the infamous question with the most random and crazy answers that it will make them think twice before asking it again, at least to me. I am perfectly happy with a simple hello from you, please keep your fake interest of me to yourself. Tell me how you feel about that..I honestly want to know!
How many times have you had people start off conversations with "How are you doing today?" Maybe you even use this phrase yourself? Now I want you to stop and think about the last time someone said this to you. Was it your boss, your fellow student, or the girl behind the deli counter? How many of these times did you answer "good" or "fine" or something like that? In fact, most often, people are not even using it to start a conversation but merely as a greeting; a replacement for the traditional "Hi." How sadistic is it that we ask people how they are doing when in actuality we honestly do not really care about their answer. Have you ever noticed how people react when you answer "horrible," "atrocious" or "dismal?" They freeze and it takes them a minute to respond. That is because people are so conditioned to reenact the usual routine of "How are you?" "Fine, and you?" "Good" "Later" "Bye." Obviously I am not talking about your good friends who really care about you. I'm talking about those people you encounter daily who, like the rest of us, are too caught up in their daily lives to really care but feel society expects them to ask others how they are feeling.
Seriously? Can we really not come up with a less fake way of communicating. No more of this "how are you" or "what's up." Everyday I see my boss and he says "how are you?" and I want to scream at him: "horrible because I am broke and about to be evicted from my apartment because you cut all my hours you jerk!" Obviously I refrain from saying this because a) I would be fired & b) I know he really cares nothing about my situation. So from now on my new plan is to combat people by answering the infamous question with the most random and crazy answers that it will make them think twice before asking it again, at least to me. I am perfectly happy with a simple hello from you, please keep your fake interest of me to yourself. Tell me how you feel about that..I honestly want to know!
Thursday, March 5, 2009
No Matter What A Stripper Tells You....
...you should never believe it because she's just trying to get your money! LOL
This comes from a old FB blog I wrote last year but it's still relevant so I decided it should be posted here. For those of you who do not remember Chris Rock's song No Sex (in The Champagne Room), there is a line that states:
"If you've been dating a man for four months/ and you haven't met any of his friends, you are NOT his girlfriend!"
This, besides being one of my favorite lines, inspired me to think of an more up-to-date version of this concept. The song was written in 1999 so obviously it is a little outdated. Today we have an abundance of new technology and trends that make '99 look like the '50's. We all know that one of the biggest trends is Facebook itself. With the internet, we are so far removed from others and yet we are still able to stay "connected" via the web. Therefore, meeting a guy's friends may not happen as often because many friends don't leave there houses, they just play MMOG games over the internet. So, more important than meeting his/her friends is how you are portrayed on their Facebook page: the place that defines them to the whole entire world. Therefore, in the spirit of Facebook I would like to amend the previous lyrics.
"If you've been dating a man/woman for four months and you are not in his/her profile picture, you are NOT his/her significant other."
[As you can see, I am up with the times and equal opportunity so I used all pronouns to allow for all combinations of relationships (male/female, female/female..ect).]
Cause seriously, kids. If we're "dating" and I have a cute photo of the two of us together looking cheesy and you're profile pic is of you high with a bottle of Jack glued to your hand or some "come get me" half naked photo then I am in NO WAY your girlfriend.
Just clearing that up.
*DISCLAIMER* please be aware that this note is written as a joke and a satire and is NOT meant to offend anyone. I deeply apologize if I did, that was not my intentions. Just thought we could all use a laugh by listening to the crazy shit that runs through my brain. Thank you and goodnight!
This comes from a old FB blog I wrote last year but it's still relevant so I decided it should be posted here. For those of you who do not remember Chris Rock's song No Sex (in The Champagne Room), there is a line that states:
"If you've been dating a man for four months/ and you haven't met any of his friends, you are NOT his girlfriend!"
This, besides being one of my favorite lines, inspired me to think of an more up-to-date version of this concept. The song was written in 1999 so obviously it is a little outdated. Today we have an abundance of new technology and trends that make '99 look like the '50's. We all know that one of the biggest trends is Facebook itself. With the internet, we are so far removed from others and yet we are still able to stay "connected" via the web. Therefore, meeting a guy's friends may not happen as often because many friends don't leave there houses, they just play MMOG games over the internet. So, more important than meeting his/her friends is how you are portrayed on their Facebook page: the place that defines them to the whole entire world. Therefore, in the spirit of Facebook I would like to amend the previous lyrics.
"If you've been dating a man/woman for four months and you are not in his/her profile picture, you are NOT his/her significant other."
[As you can see, I am up with the times and equal opportunity so I used all pronouns to allow for all combinations of relationships (male/female, female/female..ect).]
Cause seriously, kids. If we're "dating" and I have a cute photo of the two of us together looking cheesy and you're profile pic is of you high with a bottle of Jack glued to your hand or some "come get me" half naked photo then I am in NO WAY your girlfriend.
Just clearing that up.
*DISCLAIMER* please be aware that this note is written as a joke and a satire and is NOT meant to offend anyone. I deeply apologize if I did, that was not my intentions. Just thought we could all use a laugh by listening to the crazy shit that runs through my brain. Thank you and goodnight!
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Random Acts of....
Is randomness dead or just reclassified? Lately, people have been (re)posting a note on Facebook entitled “25 Random Things.” **If you do not know about this than you might as well just stop reading this blog because I am NOT going to explain it.** Even more recently, people have been posting (on Facebook, mind you) a link to a Time article ridiculing the “25 Random Things” notes which states: “But it's just so stupid. Most people aren't funny, they aren't insightful, and they share way too much.”
Do people no longer understand the definition of RANDOM? Facebook (and other networking sites) used to thrive on randomness. People would post random pictures, write random blogs/bulletins, and send random wall posts that made us laugh and brightened our dull days. Now, people (even me, I confess) jump into mass postings of 50 question surveys answering nonrandom questions such as “favorite color?” or “who’s the last person to call you?”
According to Claire Suddath, author of the Time article, “Assuming it takes someone 10 minutes to come up with their list, this recent bout of viral narcissism has sent roughly 800,000 hours of worktime productivity down the drain.” Maybe we shouldn’t blame Facebook for making us less productive but should focus on the fact that our jobs today are so mind numbing and unfulfilling that we resort to “narcissistic” surveys we know no one cares to read. Be honest, people. How many of you feel uninspired to work hard at your jobs? Maybe if our bosses motivated us to care about the company we worked for we’d be more invested in our work and less invested in lame surveys.
But once again I digress from my point. The difference between “25 Random Things” and some survey asking you “What are you listening to right now?” is the key word: random. The former requires brain storming, spontaneity, and creativity, all of which wake up your previously numb brain. That’s right, “25 Random Things” causes you to think; think about yourself in more depth than “What color is the shirt you are wearing?” It requires you to open up and put yourself out there without being afraid of judgment. If there is one thing I am sick of it is logging on to Facebook and seeing another photo album made up of 40 photos that all look the same (1/3 of them blurry or out of focus) and usually just show drunk people at a bar. How does that show any creativity, depth, or even randomness? It just reminds me that you are exactly like the millions of other blurry, Facebook clones out there. But when “Jodi” tells me “25) If you prove me wrong, I'll willingly back down; but if I know I'm right, I will argue with you until you probably want to push me in front of a train” or “Lena” writes “8) I graduated first in my class at Manhattan College, Summa cum Laude, phi beta kappa, won the honorary math award, and yet am terrified to apply to grad school bc i dont think i could hack it” then I feel like I am able to understand them that much more.
Surprisingly, I find it very refreshing to read everyone of these “random things” my friends post because even if I already know the facts about them, I get to see what facts they choose to share with the world. I think that tells a lot about a person in its own way. So if you don’t want to know 25 random things about “friends, friends-of-friends, friends-of-friends-of-friends and coworkers,” as Suddath states than, just don’t read their notes. Or maybe Suddath’s problem is that she’s Facebook friends with people that she honestly doesn’t want anything to do with but is simply too chicken to unfriend them. Either way, I enjoy this new form of randomness and encourage people to utilize Facebook as a creative outlet to celebrate their differences rather than illustrate that you go drinking at bars like everyone else. If you’re original people will respond originally and then maybe you’ll have something interesting to read while bored at your job.
But that’s just my random thought of the day. Thanks, Jill, for the inspiration.
Do people no longer understand the definition of RANDOM? Facebook (and other networking sites) used to thrive on randomness. People would post random pictures, write random blogs/bulletins, and send random wall posts that made us laugh and brightened our dull days. Now, people (even me, I confess) jump into mass postings of 50 question surveys answering nonrandom questions such as “favorite color?” or “who’s the last person to call you?”
According to Claire Suddath, author of the Time article, “Assuming it takes someone 10 minutes to come up with their list, this recent bout of viral narcissism has sent roughly 800,000 hours of worktime productivity down the drain.” Maybe we shouldn’t blame Facebook for making us less productive but should focus on the fact that our jobs today are so mind numbing and unfulfilling that we resort to “narcissistic” surveys we know no one cares to read. Be honest, people. How many of you feel uninspired to work hard at your jobs? Maybe if our bosses motivated us to care about the company we worked for we’d be more invested in our work and less invested in lame surveys.
But once again I digress from my point. The difference between “25 Random Things” and some survey asking you “What are you listening to right now?” is the key word: random. The former requires brain storming, spontaneity, and creativity, all of which wake up your previously numb brain. That’s right, “25 Random Things” causes you to think; think about yourself in more depth than “What color is the shirt you are wearing?” It requires you to open up and put yourself out there without being afraid of judgment. If there is one thing I am sick of it is logging on to Facebook and seeing another photo album made up of 40 photos that all look the same (1/3 of them blurry or out of focus) and usually just show drunk people at a bar. How does that show any creativity, depth, or even randomness? It just reminds me that you are exactly like the millions of other blurry, Facebook clones out there. But when “Jodi” tells me “25) If you prove me wrong, I'll willingly back down; but if I know I'm right, I will argue with you until you probably want to push me in front of a train” or “Lena” writes “8) I graduated first in my class at Manhattan College, Summa cum Laude, phi beta kappa, won the honorary math award, and yet am terrified to apply to grad school bc i dont think i could hack it” then I feel like I am able to understand them that much more.
Surprisingly, I find it very refreshing to read everyone of these “random things” my friends post because even if I already know the facts about them, I get to see what facts they choose to share with the world. I think that tells a lot about a person in its own way. So if you don’t want to know 25 random things about “friends, friends-of-friends, friends-of-friends-of-friends and coworkers,” as Suddath states than, just don’t read their notes. Or maybe Suddath’s problem is that she’s Facebook friends with people that she honestly doesn’t want anything to do with but is simply too chicken to unfriend them. Either way, I enjoy this new form of randomness and encourage people to utilize Facebook as a creative outlet to celebrate their differences rather than illustrate that you go drinking at bars like everyone else. If you’re original people will respond originally and then maybe you’ll have something interesting to read while bored at your job.
But that’s just my random thought of the day. Thanks, Jill, for the inspiration.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Who needs to be a masochist when your kitty is a sadist?
In Pulp Fiction, Mia (Uma Thurman) says she has a theory that when it comes to important subjects, people can only answer two ways. Which way they answer tells you what kind of person they are. Her example of this is that there are only two kinds of people in the world: Beatles people and Elvis people.
Okay, only a loosely related intro into my talk about the complementary (or lack there of) relationship between masochism and sadism. Let's start with a simple Wikipedia definition:
Sadism refers to the infliction of pain or humiliation upon or by another person. Masochism refers to gratification in the infliction of pain or humiliation upon oneself.
So, logically speaking, you would assume that Masochists would search for Sadist mates and vice versa. I mean, logically, you would assume someone interested in inflicting pain would seek out one who enjoys pain. But according to social psychologist, Erich Fromm, when these two types get together it results in a weak and shallow bond. This is where I become conflicted. Part of me feels that people need to find someone who fills their holes and completes/compliments them. I mean, two hot headed individuals will have lots of trouble working things out. On the other hand, I've read psychological studies that say that couples with the most similarities have relationships that tend to last the longest.
But maybe the problem is that Sadism is not really the opposite of Masochism. Maybe the Masochist only finds pleasure in the pain when they inflict it on themselves and not when Sadists inflict pain on them. Perhaps, Masochists find the real gratification not in the pain but in the control over their own body. This would conclude that Masochists and Sadists are not complementary but are actually a poor match. I would say a relationship between these two would be beneficial to the Sadist but cause the Masochist the opposite of gratification. They would feel helpless instead of that feeling of control they were searching for in self infliction.
Of course, to be fair, I should finish explaining Mia's theory. She says: "Beatles people can like Elvis, and Elvis people can like Beatles but nobody likes them both equally. Somewhere you have to make a choice." I completely agree; nothing is ever as simple as black and white. We may tend to have both masochistic and sadist tendencies but can we ever have them equally? Perhaps that is the real question.
Food for thought
Okay, only a loosely related intro into my talk about the complementary (or lack there of) relationship between masochism and sadism. Let's start with a simple Wikipedia definition:
Sadism refers to the infliction of pain or humiliation upon or by another person. Masochism refers to gratification in the infliction of pain or humiliation upon oneself.
So, logically speaking, you would assume that Masochists would search for Sadist mates and vice versa. I mean, logically, you would assume someone interested in inflicting pain would seek out one who enjoys pain. But according to social psychologist, Erich Fromm, when these two types get together it results in a weak and shallow bond. This is where I become conflicted. Part of me feels that people need to find someone who fills their holes and completes/compliments them. I mean, two hot headed individuals will have lots of trouble working things out. On the other hand, I've read psychological studies that say that couples with the most similarities have relationships that tend to last the longest.
But maybe the problem is that Sadism is not really the opposite of Masochism. Maybe the Masochist only finds pleasure in the pain when they inflict it on themselves and not when Sadists inflict pain on them. Perhaps, Masochists find the real gratification not in the pain but in the control over their own body. This would conclude that Masochists and Sadists are not complementary but are actually a poor match. I would say a relationship between these two would be beneficial to the Sadist but cause the Masochist the opposite of gratification. They would feel helpless instead of that feeling of control they were searching for in self infliction.
Of course, to be fair, I should finish explaining Mia's theory. She says: "Beatles people can like Elvis, and Elvis people can like Beatles but nobody likes them both equally. Somewhere you have to make a choice." I completely agree; nothing is ever as simple as black and white. We may tend to have both masochistic and sadist tendencies but can we ever have them equally? Perhaps that is the real question.
Food for thought
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